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September 17, 2012 / dcwisdom

We Eat Our Own

In the past week, I’ve seen how we eat our own, not only in the blog world but also in the real world where I actively function.  You can all relate.  From the world of cyberspace and in sitting across the way from a syrupy gossip in Dairy Queen, I have witnessed as we eat our own.  I’m not casting the first stone; unfortunately for me, I’ve been known to eat a few folks.  Eating our own is a terrible, nasty habit.  Lord, forgive me.

First, I want to tell you what I know about personalities.  We each have one!  Isn’t that fantastic?!  And not one of us is created the same.  Each semester, I learn more about personalities and how each personality thinks and responds and reacts to one another.  I wish I had known this years ago!  It would have saved me countless hours of worry, sorrow, irritation, and frustration!

One awesome, obvious way to observe this is in your family.  Not only do Rick and I have vastly different personalities,  but also each of my five children are individually blessed with his or her own.  When seven, or even two, different personalities come together, there will be sparks.  The key, I’m learning, is to discover each personality which frees me to respond correctly to the other person.  However, sometime, I just revert back to my old, crummy self, acting/reacting like an idiot!  I have to ask forgiveness often.

One tool I particularly like is the Personality Matrix.  The Matrix divides personalities into four quadrants:  Controller, Analyzer, Promoter, and Supporter.

  • The Controller – Swift reaction, restless; likes power, being in control; minimum concern for caution in relationships; deals with the present; outspoken; decisive, tends to reject inaction; respects individual initiative; decision maker.  The theme for the Controller is “Notice my accomplishment.”
  • The Analytic – Tends to be cautious; very precise and neat; minimum concern for relationships; tends to reject change; has a serious nature; tends to reject involvement; works well alone; problem solver.  Theme:  “Notice my efficiency.”
  • The Promoter – Rapid reaction, likes change; talkative, expressive; dramatic, showy; likes to deal with the future; impulsive action; involved, tends to reject isolation; energetic, enthusiastic; likes working with others in active environments.  Theme:  “Notice me.”
  • The Supporter – Tends to be very thorough; likes appreciation; minimum concern for causing or effecting change; loyal, builds relationships; tends to reject conflict; tends to support; patient, considerate; team player.  Theme:  “Notice how well-liked I am.”

Do you see yourself somewhere?  My dominant personality is Controller, but I see myself in other places, too.  There are rarely times when people fit strictly in one quadrant.  I can also see into which quadrants my husband and children fall.

Another excellent resource is the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

So, here’s the rub.

I am a Christian and a HUGE work in progress, as my family can attest.  There will never be a point in my time on earth where I reach perfection.  That time will only come when I see my Holy Savior Jesus face-to-face.  Rick told me tonight that he’s sorry he’s not perfect like me – sarcastically, of course.  Being the Controller personality and the optimist that I am, I often give off that “perfection” vibe in that I’m very verbal and sometimes terribly self-assured even when I’m wrong; I’ve never had a problem with self-esteem.   However, because I have a few analytical traits, I realize that I’m often wrong or I jump to conclusions when I shouldn’t.  My big battle is in SHUTTING MY MOUTH AND LISTENING; this is one area I am really working on.  And sometimes I really blow it!

I only wish I possessed this budding wisdom 20 years ago!

Continuing, as my post title is “We Eat Our Own,” it is with a very sad heart that I write this about Christians.  (Not all.)  Last week, I saw Christians verbally tear each other up by gossip, slander, and hot disagreement.  I did not take part in this incident, but, hey, I’m guilty of the same fault!  My mouth gets the best of me at times.  The reason I discontinued my Facebook account is for the same reason.   Although I read and saw good posts and information, I also saw disrespectful and verbally vulgar posts written to and about people.  It sickened me, because it was more negative than positive.  Sadly, we eat each other during the week and the preacher on Sundays.

This should not be, dear friends.

I have a very good friend from high school, Lanny (Hi, Lanny, if you still read my post!  I love ya!), who pulls my chain sometimes.  Whoa!  You’ve gone too far, girlfriend!  He’s miles ahead of me on the moral and verbal perfection road.  That’s cool!  I need him, as a friend, to hold me back when I step too close to the edge of losing my Christianity with my tongue, spoken or written.

My final point is this:  We’re all different personalities with various views.  My best friends are those who balance me in personality, not sit in the same quadrant as I.  To have intellectual, emotional, mental, and spiritual balance is necessary to grow and learn.  We need to hear differing opinions (blog posts and replies are opinions) and allow others to speak without banging each other and tearing each other apart.  A wise man once told me, “If you and I agree on everything, one opinion isn’t needed.”  It’s discussion.  I most appreciate great discussion and interaction; it’s where we learn and where our hearts and opinions can be changed.  Let’s stop eating our own.

God bless you all.  Go out and have a great week!  And please don’t eat anyone.

Peace and love.  Pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  God bless Israel.  God help America.



  1. Vickie / Sep 17 2012 11:05 PM

    Hey, well I’m putting myself in the supporter quadrant with maybe a little teensy bit of controller issues. Or maybe just bossy – at least to my family. So does that mean that we can be friends – and I’ll let you be in control and I’ll support you but I might boss you around a little??? :))))

    Yes, my friend, it’s a shame to hear Christians backbiting and chewing on each other (puns intended). Christ called for unity amongst His children. We can have our differences and varied opinions, but we are NOT supposed to be tearing each other down, rather building each other up. I’m sorry that’s happening in your circles. I hope that those who are involved will be convicted to cease and desist and instead just put on LOVE. If we truly LOVE as Christ loved the church, those kinds of things won’t happen. But we are flawed humans. I do truly hope it stops. It brings you down, too. I hate that for you. Hugs ~~~

    • dcwisdom / Sep 18 2012 8:44 AM

      We’re all affected, whether or not we’re directly involved. Seems like things come in swells, like the ocean waves, and then they pass. That’s life. Thanks for sending your love, Chickie.

  2. Cheryl L / Sep 17 2012 9:38 AM

    Very well stated. I see myself in more than one of those categories. I guess I (all of us actually) will continually be a work in progress. I realize I will never, this side of heaven anyway, be complete. Come, Lord Jesus! I think this is the reminder I needed today. Thanks!

  3. debsladybugtexas / Sep 17 2012 5:46 AM

    Great reminder Deb…

  4. jmgoyder / Sep 17 2012 1:40 AM

    This is wonderfully honest and thought-provoking – thank you!

    • dcwisdom / Sep 17 2012 1:43 AM

      You’re welcome.

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