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September 14, 2012 / dcwisdom

Stinkin’ Cocks Are Useless

All they’re good for is disturbing a good sleep and weeding the flower beds.

This handsome feller, a Barred Rock rooster, met his demise, poor feller.

Mom called me yesterday to say that Ole’ Rock claimed her wraparound back porch and flower beds as his own, christening them every day, and she’s tired of constantly washing the floors.   We will catch him, she said, and put him in the pen.

I knew it was probably a lost cause to try to catch him in the day, but Mom was insistent, and when Mom gets a bee in her bonnet, there’s no humoring her.  Her persistence is unrelenting, so whoever is nearer at the moment gets nominated to remove the bee from the bonnet.  Lucky sap.  Usually me.

Mom fetched her fishing net and her broom.  I never figured why the broom.  To sweep him in the net?  Round and round the house we chased him, Mom with the net and me with the ? broom, trying to trick him and corner him, but to no avail.  Neither one of us were brave enough to grab him.  Neither one of us wanted to get spurred.  How did we think we would catch him?  Are Mom and Debbie, together, smarter than a rooster?  Apparently not.

Mom fetched a bed sheet.  We thought surely we could just throw the sheet over him and wrap him and trap him.  Uh, no…

Mom, red-faced and out of breath, finally looked at me and said, “Shoot him.”

I fetched my pistol.  Ole’ Cock just laughed and laughed as he dodged my eight bullets.  I had fun target practicing but had no luck getting him to Step 1 toward the boiling pot.  After two-plus hours of cock shenanigans, we collapsed in the deck chairs and promised to take up the adventure tomorrow.

Today, enter Kid #4 Sam.  Sam fetched the shotgun, and you know what happened.  Actually, I was too mentally exhausted to boil water and pluck, and neither Sam nor Mom volunteered to do the job.  I’m sure another creature from nature’s food chain is having a good meal tonight.  My sincerest apologies to all you cock lovers out there.  But, at least, Mom’s happy now.

Now I know that I don’t like cocks, whatever colors they come in.  Next time I’m gifted with chickens, I request hens.  At least hens are useful.  Stinkin’ cocks!

Peace and love.  Pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  God bless Israel.  God help America.

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9 Comments

  1. Jill / Sep 22 2012 9:41 PM

    Correction, correction! I love the picture of your MOM! Oopsie!

  2. Jill / Sep 22 2012 9:27 PM

    I’m with you on this one. Been there, done that, but luckily for me it went more smoothly than your experience! If I had been there I’d have helped the best I could but no doubt would be laughing my *#* off the whole time! I love the picture of you clutching the sheet, btw!

  3. mindy / Sep 16 2012 8:34 PM

    You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do to help your mom. All the un-frienders are namby-pambys. Where do you think the chicken in your market comes from?!! I would have done the same. Obviously they have never encountered a mean old rooster, or they wouldn’t be such wusses about it!!

  4. Jeanette / Sep 14 2012 6:52 PM

    Just wondering if it ever occured to you to just give the rooster to someone who knows how to take care of them. My regret would be if someone maimed the bird and he suffered before dying. Since I find nothing humorous in terrorizing and killing an animal I’m requesting that you take me off your email list.

    • dcwisdom / Sep 14 2012 10:27 PM

      Jeanette, we TRIED OUR BEST to get rid of it by giving it away. Not many people wanting numerous cocks around their hen houses. Sorry to offend you. You can unfollow.

  5. L. / Sep 14 2012 5:36 PM

    At first I thought your post was about something else entirely, which I am quite sure you are aware of.

    Absolutely disgusting. As if there would be anything left to eat after blowing the poor bird apart with a shotgun. Really?

    • dcwisdom / Sep 14 2012 10:25 PM

      You’re so right. Really.

  6. jmgoyder / Sep 14 2012 2:12 AM

    Oh this is awful but hilarious!

    • dcwisdom / Sep 14 2012 10:40 AM

      And every bit of it is true.

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