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September 11, 2012 / dcwisdom

Time for Chicken (or rooster) and Dumplings

I can’t say that I’ve eaten rooster and dumplings.

But I think I’m about to.

Remember my escapade transporting these roosters?  For the past two weeks (or so), these guys have avoided food chain trouble by roosting in trees at night.  I told my friend Vickie at Sand Flat Farm that I thought they were victims of the natural, country food chain, but, SURPRISE!  One day, they came back.  And now the silly cocks find their way each day to Mom’s backyard patio; they peck her potted plants and flower beds and poop on her porch.

I told Mom yesterday that whenever she’s had all the enjoyment of pet roosters she can tolerate, it will be chicken and dumplings time.  Today, she told me she wearies of sweeping the porch twice a day (because she’s a clean freak!) and wants me to…you know…do the job.

So I heard from daughter’s friend’s mother’s grandmother that to do…you know…the job…properly all I need is a big butcher knife and a large box.  Except nobody’s told me how I catch the dang things.  At dusk, they run off and hide in the woods, and I AIN’T gonna trounce around the woods after dark!  Not this citified girl!  (Forget the fact that I live in the country.)  Grandma said to grab it by the tail feathers, then grab a wing, grab the other wing, grab the head, and whack the head off.  After the head is off, throw the body in the box to flop around and bleed.  That way, it won’t get dirty by flopping around on the ground, she said.

How many Aggies does it take to butcher a rooster?  Just as many as it takes to change a light bulb!

And I read in a book about another procedure:  Use a broom and do it after dark.  Yeah, right.  Grab the bird, grab its haunches (what?  thighs?), hold it upside down with its head on the ground, put the broomstick over its neck, and dislocate its neck by pulling the body upwards while stepping on the broomstick on either side of the rooster’s head.  Tie feet together, hang upside-down, and slit neck on both sides to bleed.

I’m about to throw up.  Now, I’m pretty brave about some things, but I’m not sure about this.

And then, I have to dip the rascal in boiling water to remove the feathers.

Is there another option?  Is this how the pioneers did it?  The pioneer women were made of steel.  And we modern women are pansies.

I really need some advice and encouragement.  Please!

Peace and love.  Pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  God bless Israel.  God help America!