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June 28, 2011 / dcwisdom

It all started six years ago…

Hello, Good Friends!  I haven’t been here in a while, and you’ve probably stopped checking on me.  But, tonight I am going to share some new news with you.  I’ll report; you decide.  I would not mind some good feedback from you since this is a new situation for us.

But before I get to that piece of news, I want to tell you about my friend that was convicted of murder in December.  Do you remember that story?  In 2008, my girlfriend, who I have known for 20 years, was arrested for the murder of her 13-year-old adopted son.  Although I have known her for many years, I was not particularly close to her.  Even though we both home schooled our children, she ran in a different circle since so much of her life was consumed in fostering and adopting children.  She taught CPS courses to many of our area’s foster families and was involved in another church.  She’s one of the most incredible moms I’ve ever known – very involved and conscientious of her children’s special needs and problems.  Anyway, after she was arrested, I felt prompted by the Lord to visit her in jail.  When she bailed out of jail, we continued our relationship and grew fairly close in the months before the trial.  We lunched together, prayed together, and generally talked about anything but her legal issues.

I guess it shouldn’t have, but her conviction came as a surprise.  I told her many times how I never believed she killed her son.  She didn’t, but she was convicted even though there was no evidence, and except for the stupid fact that she signed a confession.  She had her reasons.  The conviction came out of manipulation, deception, and lies by the prosecution and a horribly inadequate defense by her hired lawyer.  Now, she’s serving life in prison and is appealing her case.   Question:  Why is it permissible for a prosecutor to twist words, manipulate words, lie, and practice deception while the defendant is sworn to tell the truth?

In the months before the trial, she and her husband chronicled their experiences.  He called me a week ago and requested I edit his version of the experience.  I felt honored that he asked, and I am working on his book before his trial starts.  He was charged with lesser crimes, and I don’t expect him to spend time behind bars; however, he’s suffering from crimes against his dignity and honor.  He and his wife are two of the most honorable people I know.  Makes me wonder how many people are in prison for crimes they didn’t commit.

Ok.  So anyway, I just wanted to tell you that.  Whenever the book is published, I’ll let you know, and you can grab a copy to read.  It’s scathing.

It all started six years ago.  Maybe five and a half.  My family began attending a new church, and my boys got swarmed by the girls.  It’s a new world from the one in which I came.  I mean, our skirts were short, but few of us girls were tramps.  Most of us girls held on to our modesty.  Even though our skirts were, yes, short, our necklines didn’t give away any secrets.  It was rare that we involved ourselves in the world of sex.  I don’t know.  Maybe some of my long time girlfriends would say differently, but, generally, we were good girls out to have fun makeout sessions.  We girls waited until boys would call us on the telephone for dates, and a girl was considered forward if she initiated a relationship.  One friend of mine would call a guy and play a song on the radio over the phone to him.  I don’t remember if he stayed on the line or not.  I would have never done that!  I waited literally months for Rick to call me for a date and almost died waiting.  I took the opportunity one year in February to ask Rick to the Sadie Hawkins dance, the dance where the girls asked the boys.  He accepted.  *thrill*  But it took the kid until July to ask me out.  He and I attended a Grand Funk concert in Ft. Worth.  Lots of fun although my hearing was put into shock for about two or three days, and we probably got high from second-hand pot smoke.  Not really, but the couple next to us certainly had a good time.

Back to my story…

One of my boys immediately became the subject of a crush.  This little girl fell hard, but she was not a girl in whom either of my boys was interested.  She became very forward in her feelings toward one of my boys to the point of ridiculousness.  My son has played the main keyboard for the church services since we began attending there, and Crush would perch herself directly in front of him on the floor below of the stage.  And she was a show!  Jumping, clapping, waving her arms, rocking…rocking…rocking…constantly rocking…

She continued her crush into odd behavior.  She accused my son of promising her friendship (which he didn’t) and other assorted things.  She even became so angry with him for liking another girl that she kicked my son in the leg, twisted another girl’s arm for trying to calm her, screamed at him, all with plenty of churchpeoplewitnesses.  When Crush obtained a cell phone, the calls and texts began, begging for some communication from him.  He asked me what to do.  All I knew to do was to tell him to ignore her, and she would probably get the message.  She didn’t.  She began sending letters and gifts – anything to get his attention.  She called the house phone and called my daughter.  Pleasepleasepleasehavehimcallme.  Ihavetotalktohim.  Hehastotellmehowhefeelsaboutme.   Poor Crush…no hint whatsoever.  She showed at his retail workplace several times to just hang out – for hours.  She even baked cookies and delivered them to the store on one of his off days.  His co-workers texted him about it.

It might not have been so bad, except Crush’s mother got involved.  She began writing him letters full of information about the girl.  Why she was doing this, why she was doing that, what you can do to help her, she just needs a friend, please just call her…  And then, we found out a weird thing.  Since sometime near the beginning of this ordeal, Crush’s mother had prayed for a sign from God for her daughter.  The mother related that she had a dream, a spiritual dream, that my son and her daughter would, someday, marry.  The mother held to this dream for dear life, and I think in a very strange way, this desire for a relationship for her daughter became her obsession, also.

Now, I have to say this:  I believe God gives us common sense.  I also believe that we have carnal desires that we, many times, attribute to God’s will.  For example, I have a friend who always wants to pray for God’s will about everything.  Yes, I understand that, but the Bible gives us strong guidelines by which to live.  If I know that it is God’s will for me to share my possessions with the poor, I don’t have to pray about God’s will to consider sharing.  When the opportunity presents itself, it is my obligation to share since I already know this is God’s will for His children to do so.  I have another friend that says that she feels like it’s God’s will for her to mega-shop.  I don’t question her or judge her for this, but I know that sometimes our fleshly desires are so strong that we feel like it must be God’s will for us to do this.  After all, God says he will give us the desires of our hearts.  Ah, but that is taken out of context.  We see, we want.  We touch, we want.  We taste, we want.  We hear, we want.  We smell, we want.  See what I mean?  Our senses can utterly devastate us if we live by our senses.  Our emotions can overtake our common sense.  Our desires can fool our hearts into thinking it must be God’s will.   So, what is God’s will?  Many guidelines are presented in the Scripture; other things must become objects of prayer.  In this particular case, mothers need to be wise with their daughters.  If the desired boy is not interested in her daughter, she must gently counsel her daughter and save the girl from further, or more treacherous, heartbreak.

So earlier this year, Crush’s mom got involved in letter writing.  The letters were dramatic.  The mom was worried that Crush might commit suicide.  The situation turned the corner.  We counseled with our pastor.  The girl began having serious delusions.  Crush accused my son’s girlfriend of stalking her, going to her work and threatening her and other serious accusations.  Of course, we know these things not to be true because of the girlfriend’s extended circumstances.  Then, two weeks ago, Crush’s father then came into the picture.  He showed up at the girlfriend’s house and threatened her and the girlfriend’s mother.  Even though Crush’s mother and father are divorced, his women dragged him into their obsession.  Seems like it’s become a family affair.  I’ve also heard that the grandmother is fueling the fire.  By the way, the police were called and a report filed.

My son has his evidence gathered and is collecting affidavits, preparing to get a restraining order.  After almost six years, we all are ready for this to stop.  It is not our desire that anything bad happen to Crush.  We want her and her family to be well and go on with their lives.  It’s a strange thing.

Do you think this is psychotic?  Is there anyone out there with a diagnosis besides crazy?  Is she a brick shy of a load?  A sandwich short of a picnic?  Just askin’.

Nothing like a little excitement for your day!  God bless you.  God bless Israel.  Pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  God help America.

 

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6 Comments

  1. Tara / Jun 29 2011 9:48 AM

    Oh my Deb. Do I know this person? That is CRAZY! I hope you all can get a handle on it before it turns out bad. I thought those kind of things only happened on Lifetime. LOL…
    And yes the doctor was at our clinic! From what I hear a lot of people have said the same as me. Hope she isn’t your favorite. If so, I sorry…
    hugs,
    tara
    P.S. Feeling a lot better today. Planning on going to Jolene’s soon for lunch. Want to join me?

    • dcwisdom / Jun 29 2011 9:57 PM

      Name the day, girlfriend. I don’t use her…

  2. Jill / Jun 29 2011 6:36 AM

    I don’t know if she’s psychotic but she definitely has a personality disorder that includes inability to respect boundaries, to put it mildly. Her mother appears to have the same problem. True psychotics suffer from visual and /or aural hallucinations and a truly complete break with reality. Not her perception of the relationship being unreal (it is) – but hearing voices, seeing things, etc. Look up borderline personality disorder and you will get an idea of how many other problems people can have that aren’t actually psychotic – but still disruptive, dangerous, etc. – you will probably see similar traits as this young woman exhibits.

    I’m sorry this situation has gone on for so long without her getting professional help. Most likely, she will be unable to change in any meaningful way without it.

    The father sounds like he was drug into it through whatever manipulated version of events the daughter & mother told him. But who knows. A restraining order may help and shows unwillingness to tolerate further the aggressive behavior towards your son & his girlfriend, as well as allowing police to arrest her if she violates it. So far her consequences have been too mild to effectively deter her. If she ever goes up before a judge he/she may include psychiatric care as part of her sentencing. I would get a restraining order against her mother as well as obviously she seems to suffer no consequences for her actions – a higher authority (the police in this case) may get her attention better than those she considers her peers (your family, pastor, etc).

    If you go online to your cellphones’ website, you will probably find an ability to block up to five phone numbers from your (your son’s) phone. Verizon has this option, so I assume others do too.

    You are absolutely right to expect a parent to counsel a child wisely. However, there are people with mental illnesses that, although they seemingly function well in society (have relationships, however chaotic, hold down a job, etc), will NOT be able to behave in such a positive and nurturing way.

    Your family will be in my prayers, along with your dear friend and her family. I’m so sorry your son has had to go through this for so long – he doesn’t deserve it and is an innocent victim of a mentally ill person(s).

  3. Amber / Jun 28 2011 8:13 AM

    Oh my! I will be praying for this son, and the rest of you. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by getting a restraining order. I believe that this girl needs some serious psychiatric help. Maybe the rest of her family also. With the witnesses you say that you have, I don’t see a problem with getting a restraining order, but please still be on guard. If the person is that unstable, I don’t know that a restraining order will stop them. I will pray for your safety,

    Love, Amber

  4. Vicki / Jun 28 2011 8:11 AM

    Hi Debbie!
    I must say I am intrigued by this murder case–it sounds tragic all the way around–I’ll be waiting to learn more! I’m curious as to what you are studying for because I’ve decided to go on and finish up my degree–No, I never did. Not that I’m going to change careers at this late date, but I just want to finish something I started so many years ago.
    This situation with the girl pursuing your son is just CRAZY!!! Really, it’s just terribly sad, but a little scary too. This kind of thing can get out of hand and end badly. I’m praying for a hedge of protection around your family and his current girlfriend! Since you go to the same church, I have to wonder if the pastor has tried to talk to these people. That girl and her mom need help!!! Have you considered attending a different church till it all blows over? I know that isn’t fair and may sound extreme, but maybe it would help.

  5. tanna / Jun 28 2011 6:10 AM

    Debbie, she is psychotic. And, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with the rest of her family either. Bless your son! These people are just not right. I pray for your family’s safety and a peaceful, sure relief from this craziness.

    As for our legal system, we all want to believe it is just and fair. Truth of the matter is that it all depends on the actors in the drama (lawyers/judges). It is a harsh truth that the meanest dog in the fight wins… regardless of what is right.

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